This weekend in Liverpool will see thousands of people line the iconic waterfront for the arrival of Cunard Line’s “3 Queens”. The cruise liners Queen Elizabeth, Queen Mary 2 and Queen Victoria will visit the River Mersey to celebrate the 175th anniversary of Cunard. Apparently, this is a huge event. Liverpool will be jammed with people trying to get a glimpse of the 3 ships over the next few days in numbers akin to the visit of the “Giant Spectacular” last summer.

I however, won’t be one of them. Here’s why.

Firstly, I’m not a “spotter”. I’m not a plane spotter, a bus spotter, a train spotter and I’m not a boat spotter. That’s essentially what you’re doing by going down to watch this event isn’t it? Boat spotting? It’s 3 big boats slowly coming in, stopping for a bit and slowly going out again.

Secondly, as a staunch republican I can’t support any notion of reverence to the Royal Family. Maybe if they were renamed after Queen? The Freddie Mercury, Brian May and Roger Taylor perhaps would be more of a sight to see. Then again maybe other queens should be celebrated across the cultural spectrum? I’m thinking Queen Latifah, Queen of the South (to keep the Scots happy) and of course Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Let’s face it though, whatever their names it’s just 3 big boats slowly coming in, stopping for a bit and slowly going out again.

Maybe I’d go if there was some jeopardy to the whole thing. Couldn’t there be a Queens battle royal? They could have the 3 liners ramming into each other until there was only 1 left floating. Perhaps they could be hunted down by warships or submarines or try to negotiate a tough course of strategically placed mines? The whole thing could even be hosted by Grimmy or some such fella.

Finally, if you go down and stand on the coastline or quayside, you’ll be there standing, waiting for the big boats to slowly come in. It will probably be hours before you see anything dependent on the weather and the tides. When they do slowly come in and stop for a bit you might find yourself waving at the people on board. Nothing wrong with that you say except that those people on board, some of them maybe even waving back, are looking at you on the shoreline and thinking just one thing. “Look at them,” they say, “all those people waving at us as we slowly come in and stop for a bit. They’ll probably be still there waving when we slowly go out again. Take a good look at them waving at us, they’ll never be able to afford to stand here waving back!” That’s the big rub isn’t it really? Thousands upon thousands of people turning up to celebrate the super rich lording it over us all. Well not for me thanks. I can sit in the relative comfort of my own home, turn on the TV and watch the super rich lord it over me and when you truly stop to think about it…

It’s just 3 big boats, slowly coming in, stopping for a bit and slowly going out again.